a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
