We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
