I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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