Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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