why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
