you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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