Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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