bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
