While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
