Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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