I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
