At least make sure they are 18
Why
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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