So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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