I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
