11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
