I hate all girls vehemently.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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