oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
