end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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