I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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