brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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