that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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