weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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