note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
