a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize