Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
