dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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