I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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