If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
