Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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