did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
4 words: hood of his car
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
