if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
FUCK WHALES
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