i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
