don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
