I'm drive I can fine osifer
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
