just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
