that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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