Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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