He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
