I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
