Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
