its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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