we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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