two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
