I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
