you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
