Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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