But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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