I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
