she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
kristin has been a bad kristin
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
