I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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