So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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