Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
