this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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