You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
