i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize