you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
