apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
