Fuck appropriateness.
is wine microwaveable?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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