Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
