he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
