Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I AM VODKA MAN
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
