i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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