dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
