Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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