If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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