i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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