when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
