this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
