opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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