She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
