So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Girls should come with a carfax report
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
