You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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