You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
