Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
