a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize