what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize