My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Randomize
