He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
