omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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