somebody snuck up and got me drunk
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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