who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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