I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
