kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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