Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
